I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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