filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
