so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
