well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
