I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
