Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
