My nipple is on Facebook.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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