don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
