You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
