Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
