I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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