Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
