apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
