Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
There r osticjed everywhere
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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