after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Watching her eat just hurts me
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
