Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
