part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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