brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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