I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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