We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
