your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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