Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
