The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
