I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
