you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
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