So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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