Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
