Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
