We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
