bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
