i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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