Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
