the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
