im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
