I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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