i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
