That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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