If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
