I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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