Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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