Do you still have your period?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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