Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
