i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
