If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
