Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
