Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Randomize
