Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
