If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
