Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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