He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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