i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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