Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
