Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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