well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize