Do you still have your period?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
