official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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