Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
