wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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