so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
