i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
