You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
