I heard we made out
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
