do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
