Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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