Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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