Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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