Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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