I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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