I heard we made out
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
