U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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