I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
