id be glad to
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
