She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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