Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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