I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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