Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
