Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
