so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
