Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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