Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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