my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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