i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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