is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
