So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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