proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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