my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
There's always time for handjobs
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
