Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
My Higher Power is John Stamos
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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