He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
