anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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