3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize