I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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