You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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