Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
