Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
